#herestotheoptholts

We made fun of that stupid balloon but what a great photo with real smiles!

OMG as I was kneeling down to button her dress, I must have cut my knee on some sparkles and then I BLED ALL OVER HER PINK WEDDING DRESS. Shawna saved the day with some magic eraser but OMG.

RAIN IS GOOD LUCK.

How beautiful are these flower crowns?!?

 

I love my ladies.

LOVE

We got outside for a picture! And then it started to rain again.

Checking out the picture of Pappy tied to her bouquet.

INTENSE Chicken Dancing

Aaaaaand flower girls are toast.

LAST ONES STANDING!

Best bridespeople evah.

 So one of my top five favorite things to do in life is to give wedding speeches. I love it. So here is my speech from Lauren's wedding. I'm pretty proud of it:

Someone once told me that true love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another. That person was Owen Wilson in the hit film, WEDDING CRASHERS. He’ll be here later tonight. Just kidding.

 To keep this short and sweet, I’ll start at the very beginning … it was a cold February morning in 1986 … Matt and I woke up to learn that our baby sister had arrived! Whee! I think I dropped her for the first time about 6 weeks later. And again maybe a month after that? Sorry about that, I was six and not very coordinated.

 Some of you might not know that Lauren has a bunch of family nicknames. For the better part of a year, she only said the word “Deedle” over and over and over again. So guess what we called her? … She even had a vanity license plate on her tricycle. The Flaherty aunts had a good one for her -- when she was probably less than 6 months old, she and I were playing in the backyard and I got in trouble for getting the baby dirty -- but it wasn’t dirt, it was a giant freckle on her forehead. So our aunts, always conscious of building self-esteem at an early age, called her Baby Gorbachev. Naturally. My favorite nickname, the one that has stuck over the years ... is Naked Baby. Do I need to explain how she got that one? She was naked. A lot.

 OK one more adorable childhood story: when Lauren was about 4, she was playing dress-up in her Lauren-tard (yes, she called it a Lauren-tard. When your big sister Leah gets to wear a Leah-tard to ballet, it only makes sense that she would wear a Lauren-tard, right?). Anyhow, she is 4 and wearing her Lauren-tard, and she has stuffed socks in it for boobs and she’s prancing around announcing that when she grows up, she wants to be JUST LIKE Dolly Parton because she’s BLONDE, she’s got BIG BOOBS, and she can SING! I’d highly recommend someone ask the DJ to play 9-to-5 later in the evening. You won’t be disappointed.

 So Lauren and I may not always see eye to eye on things like reality TV, chair covers, or tiny dogs, but one thing we can certainly agree on is that Thomas is great. LITTLE BRUDDER, you came into our lives at a sad and tumultuous time. I cannot thank you enough for taking care of my Naked Baby. You never got to meet our dad, Phil, but I think I can say confidently that he would have loved you.

Now Phil was famous for purposely not remembering the names of our boyfriends. He and Matt both pretended to not know my Jason’s name for years -- so much so that Auntie Bobbie called him Jeremy or Justin or something. Anyhow, Phil would have loved you -- after a few years of friendly hazing ...

OK one more minute here and then we’ll turn on The Chicken Dance … Thomas, there are a few pieces of advice Phil shoved down our throats over the years that I’d like to make sure you benefit from: Number one: Know your audience. Number two: A company … is a company. Number three: Manage your buzz (my pointed look to the groomsmen KILLED here). Numbers four through seven: KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE. And with that in mind, I see you’re all getting bored so please join me in raising a glass to Lauren … and … what’s your name again? TO LAUREN AND THOMAS!!!